remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Randomize
