Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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