I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
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