I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
