I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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