You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize