Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
