i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
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