D3 body, D1 cock
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
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