its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Randomize
