I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
