I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
pray to the hookup gods
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
