I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
