Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
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