I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
It's just like the Real World with babies
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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