I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
