Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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