I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize
