Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Randomize
