i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
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one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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