I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Randomize
