Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
