she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
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