suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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