she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
