Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
