U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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