So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
We named our party play list daddy issues
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I am midnight drunk by noon
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Randomize
