Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Randomize
