So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
