dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
