I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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