well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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