You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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