Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
