just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
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