Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
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