I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
You're completely useless in the revolution.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
