nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
My vagina is officially offended.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
