people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
