are you so shy because you have an std?
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
