I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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