It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
