you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Hello my rib-scented angel!
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Randomize
