So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
