conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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