...so i touched it.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
