i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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