Dignity is for republicans.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
