Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
