Swine flu. Run for my life!
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I am available for nakedness
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
