Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
