i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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