meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
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That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
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And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.