i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
