Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
