So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
