you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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