He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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