Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
