I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
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