Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
