Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
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