Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
