dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
How naked do you want me to be?
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