i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
