we have pet lesbian snakes
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Randomize
