My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
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