By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Randomize
