I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
