Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
