covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
pop tarts are not kleenex
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
