Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
i've created a new STD.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Randomize
