It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I am one with the molecules
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
