Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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