This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
She bit a glass in half.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
