Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize